I Can't Lose You
by Longing for Oblivion
Summary: What if the meet with Suspect X had gone different and someone wants Jess dead?Will her colleagues and friends be able to protect her and solve the case?Please R&R!Rating just to be on the safe side...
1. A surprising turn of events

**Discs.: I don't own CSI NY or its characters!**

**A/N: Here's another new story! It's an AU story based on my personal, alternate ending of "DOA for a Day" (at least I think that's the title of the eppy in which Suspect X dies at the end). Have fun reading!**

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I Can't Lose You

_1. A surprising turn of events_

Seeing Jess getting out of her car Mac wondered once more if this was really a good idea. But now it was too late anyways. While she walked up to him he took a closer look at her. She looked great in that blue dress...

Mac hurried to push that thought aside, knowing that if he let his mind take that path he won't be able to focus, and he most definitely had to focus right now.

"You're ready?" He asked when she had reached him.

Jess only nodded and for a moment they locked eyes.

As she was about to leave to take her place on the bench he got a hold of her hand, causing her to turn toward him once more. She gave him a questioning glance and he stated :

"Listen Jess, make sure to not do anything that could spook her."

Jess smiled and pointed out :

"Don't worry, this ain't the first time I play the decoy, okay? I know what I'm doing..."

Mac couldn't help but sigh, being for a moment tempted to remind her that Suspect X wasn't just an average perpetrator, but then he simply told her :

"I just want you to be careful, Jess, okay? "

"Yeah, Mac."

He squeezed lightly her hand, then he let go of her and watched her leave, before going to take his own place, hoping that everything would go according to the plan.

_Fifteen minutes later :_

Seeing the uniformed cop approach the scene Mac couldn't help but feel immediately on edge, knowing that this guy would certainly spook Suspect X.

When she started running he wasn't really surprised, after all, this woman won't be as successful as she was if she won't listen to her instincts - and currently her instincts were telling her to flee and avoid capture...

_"Mac, I lost visual..." _He heard Flack over the radio.

Taking a quick look around he replied :

"Flack, I got her..."

After a few seconds he froze momentarily as he saw Jess only a few steps behind Suspect X. What the hell was she doing? After all, she wasn't even carrying her gun...Jess wasn't supposed to follow Suspect X in case that she ran...

_"Listen, she changed her appearance - she lost the hat, the scarf, coat and shades..." _Jess told them and only a moment later Mac saw mentioned items on the ground.

He was just about to tell her to stop pursuing Suspect X in return, when the blonde assassin suddenly slowed down. Mac wasn't sure why, but this new development was unsettling him. Why would she do this - risking to get caught?

Only a split-second passed before he got his answer as he saw Suspect X turn slightly around, grab Jess' right wrist and start running again - pulling Jess with her.

"Damnit!" Mac cursed, before stating over the radio, while hurrying after them,

"She has Jess..."

* * *

Jess knew that she shouldn't do this, after all, she wasn't armed, she wasn't wearing a bullet-proof vest and it wasn't part of the plan that she went after Suspect X as well in case that something went off script - but she was right behind the assassin at the moment and who knew if the others won't lose her, so she continued her pursuit.

Seeing Suspect X discard some of her clothes she let Mac and the others know about the assassin's change of appearance.

As she noticed the blond slowing down Jess frowned for a moment, but didn't think much of it. Then, before she even knew what was happening, Suspect X turned toward her and grabbed her arm, before increasing her pace again.

When they neared a construction site Jess assumed that Suspect X would let go of her. But instead the assassin pulled her gun and pointed it at her while demanding :

"Go!" She gestured with the gun toward an opening in the hoarding, before pointing it back at Jess,

"I said go!"

Taking a quick look around Jess surrendered and did as she had been told. As they had entered the actual construction Suspect X ordered :

"Go - and hurry up!" She waved her gun,

"And don't even think about trying to trick me - it's not gonna work!"

While heading inside the still unfinished construction Jess couldn't help wondering what this woman was up to...The moment there was enough room Suspect X grabbed once more her arm, pulling her forcibly with her.

_"They just entered a new construction. I'm going in..." _Jess heard Mac over the radio.

When they had reached the second floor the blond pulled her away from the stairs, before pushing her to the ground.

Pointing the gun at her the assassin stretched out her hand and pulled the wig from Jess' head. Dropping the wig to the ground Suspect X grinned.

"I knew I've seen your face before, _Detective Angell_."

Jess couldn't help staring up at the other woman.

"At least this wasn't a complete waste of time..." After a moment of silence she stated,

"So, tell me, Jessica - how does it feel to be suddenly the prey instead of the hunter?"

* * *

Seeing Suspect X and Jess disappear in the construction Mac hurried to follow them, while still trying to understand why Suspect X had taken Jess with her. After all, forcing Jess to come with her was lowering her chances to escape...

Coming to the conclusion that he should focus on finding them and not on trying to figure out the reasons behind the assassin's behavior he took a quick look around.

Heading up the stairs Mac wondered probably for the hundredth time how this entire thing could have gone so wrong. One thing was for sure - he won't be able to deal with it if something happened to Jess...

When he neared the second floor he heard Suspect X talk, though he wasn't close enough to hear what exactly she was saying. Scanning his surroundings he soon caught sight of the two women.

Suspect X had Jess at gunpoint, ready to pull the trigger any moment. Jess was on her knees, looking up into the assassin's face. And even though she tried to keep her eyes guarded, Mac could see the fear in them, along with something else he couldn't quite decipher.

As he approached them, paying attention not to make any noise, a soft breeze came up, lifting a few strands of Jess' hair, which was no longer covered by the blonde wig. The entire scene seemed almost surreal to him, like a dream or movie...

"...Be suddenly the prey instead of the hunter?" He heard Suspect X inquire.

Jess didn't reply, knowing that the blond wasn't expecting an answer.

Just as he had almost reached them Mac kicked by accident against a piece of metal, the sound causing Suspect X to turn toward him and shoot at him. Dodging the bullet Mac shot back, but missed as the assassin spun around and started running.

After a few seconds Suspect X took cover behind one of the supporting pillars and lifted her gun. Following her gaze he saw that her attention was focused on Jess again, who had gotten up and just stared into the blue. Realizing that Jess wasn't aware of the threat Mac hurried to grab her wrist and pulled her away just as Suspect X shot.

Hearing Jess draw in a sharp breath he took a closer look at her and noticed almost immediately the trail of blood on her right upper arm. In the corner of his eye he saw that the distance between them and Suspect X was growing more and more, and after a moment of consideration he stated :

"You leave." With that he let go of Jess and went after Suspect X, over the radio he said,

"We need an ambulance."

_A few minutes later :_

As he noticed the blood on the floor he wondered for a moment how bad Suspect X was injured, before focusing his attention back on his surroundings. After all, he knew that it would be a mistake to underestimate this woman just because she was injured.

It didn't take long before he caught sight of her. She was sitting on the ground, her back leaning against one of the steel girders. Taking a look at her reflection in the mirror in front of her he could see that he had hit her in the chest and judging by the amount of blood it wasn't likely that she would make it out of this alive.

Stopping a few feet away Mac wanted to know :

"Who are you?"

It took her a while to answer and he could tell that she had trouble breathing. Eventually she stated :

"Anyone you want me to be, _Detective_..." She paused,

"Lover. Friend. Fantasy. _Nightmare_...Take your pick..."

"Based on the amount of blood leaving your body from that hole I put into your chest I go with dead." Mac replied.

"That's not on the list." Suspect X retorted.

"This is all just a game, isn't it?" Mac inquired,

"Tell me, what's going through your mind when you end a life?"

"Besides playing God?" The assassin asked in response.

"You don't have much time. Give me something..."

Suspect X smirked.

"A confession?" She paused,

"Pulling the trigger is like taking a deep breath of fresh air...Seeing that last little speck of life in their eyes...Then when it fades...I dunno..." She coughed,

"I believe they're going to a better place..." She trailed off, just as the sound of sirens came closer.

A moment later she let her hand sink, putting her gun to the ground, her eyes closing. Walking carefully up to her and kicking her gun out of her range, he realized that she was dead.

Only a few seconds later he heard Flack's voice :

"Mac, you're okay?"

Turning around he saw the black-haired detective approach, along with a few other officers, and simply nodded in response.

_Outside the construction site :_

Seeing Jess sitting on the stretcher of the ambulance Mac walked over to her. The wound on her arm had been already treated and was now covered by a bandage.

Taking a closer look at her Mac couldn't help but frown as he noticed how lost she seemed. Just like right after she had stood up from the ground she seemed miles away with her thoughts, totally oblivious to her surroundings.

When he had reached her he said softly :

"Jess..."

At the sound of his voice Jess flinched and looked completely startled at him.

"You're okay?"

"Eh, yeah...The bullet just grazed my arm, no big deal..." Jess mumbled, already on the best way to drift off with her mind again.

"What's the matter with you, Jess?" Mac wanted to know.

Jess shrugged and stated :

"It's nothing, really..."

Hearing that Mac frowned and pointed out :

"Come on, Jess, we both know it's not _**nothing**_...So, what's bothering you?

After a moment of consideration Jess sighed and let her shoulders hang, then she replied :

"It's just something Suspect X said, that I can't get out of my head..."

Mac remained quiet, simply waiting for Jess to continue. Taking a deep breath Jess went on :

"She knew who I really am...I guess, that's why she forced me to come with her..."

"Well, of course she knew you're a cop considering that you followed her..." Mac said a little bit harsher than he had intended, still angry that Jess had went after Suspect X, even though she knew that she wasn't supposed to. However, he couldn't really see why this was bugging Jess that much.

Jess remained silent for a while, once more lost in thought, then she said quietly :

"That's not what I meant..." She trailed off and got up, looking at him she added just as quiet,

"She knew my name, Mac..." With that she turned to leave, but Mac got a hold of her hand, causing her to stop and turn back toward him.

For a moment he only looked at her, trying to process what she had said. Coming to the conclusion that he must have been mistaken he inquired :

"What did you say?"

"I said she knew my name." Jess repeated, avoiding his eyes,

"Can I go now? After all, you don't need me here anymore, now do you?"

"Sure..." Mac replied and let go off her.

Watching Jess leave Mac frowned, wondering how Suspect X could've known Jess' name.

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Tbc

**A/N: Hope you liked this first chapter! Please take the time to review!**


	2. A new case and new problems

_**A/N: I know it took ages, but I was kinda stuck...And beside being stuck and being busy with other stories I also reconsidered the pairing. Like I might have mentioned in the Author Notes of chapter 1 I first intended on making this a JAC story, now however I'm not so sure anymore - what means it could maybe also turn into a Flack/Angell or a slight triangle story, I'm really not sure yet...**_

**I Can't Lose You**

_2. A new case and new problems_

Almost two weeks had passed and Jess had basically forgotten about the surprising fact that Suspect X had known her name. After all, the wound on her arm had already healed and Suspect X was dead so she didn't really have a reason to keep thinking about it. Furthermore they had a lot of work since that case, causing her to be way too busy and distracted as that she could bother trying to figure out _**how **_or _**why **_that assassin had known her name.

Jess couldn't help but release a heavy sigh as her cell phone started ringing, waking her up. As she sat up and grabbed it from the nightstand her eyes stopped for a few seconds on the alarm clock, which read only half-past two in the morning. Answering the call nonetheless she couldn't help but letting her head hang considering that her night was now officially over.

Normally she didn't really mind being called in on a new case in the middle of the night, after all, she had wanted to be a cop - even though she knew all about the negative sides of the job - but recently it had started to get on her nerves when she had to get to work in the early morning hours. It might be related to the fact that she had recently begun to have trouble sleeping, even the lowest noises were already enough to wake her up and keeping her from getting back to sleep...

Hanging up the phone she released another heavy sigh and got up to take a quick shower before heading to the scene.

_At the crime scene, about forty minutes later :_

Approaching the door of the victims' house she flashed her badge to the unis, who let her pass wordlessly. Entering the house she tried stifling a yawn, but it was pointless and sure enough she heard only about a second later Mac's voice from behind her.

"You're okay?"

Turning toward him she could see a worried frown on his face and she released a soft sigh before telling him :

"Yeah, I'm just tired that's all." Seeing the doubt in his eyes she smiled and added,

"Really Mac, beside a lack of sleep I'm fine."

"Well, maybe you should take some time off then and get some rest." Mac suggested and they locked eyes for a while.

"I could tell you the exact same thing, couldn't I?" Jess retorted with a smirk.

"True..." Mac admitted, before changing the topic,

"What can you tell me so far about the victims?"

As they headed upstairs, where the bodies had been found, Jess replied :

"Well, the vic's names are Karen and Thomas Anderson. She has just turned 38 last week, he was 43. They were married for almost twenty years - their wedding anniversary would have been next month. Karen was owning a small boutique, he was a successful lawyer - he was even thinking about starting his own law-firm next year. No children..."

"Who found them?" Mac wanted to know and looked questioning at her.

"Karen's younger sister, Sara. All I know so far about her is that she's currently staying with them, because the apartment complex where she lives is being fumigated - some sort of bug problem as far as I understood..." Jess trailed off.

"Nothing else?" He inquired.

"She broke down after she had called 911, the officers who got here first got her brought to a hospital. I'm gonna talk with her in a few hours when she calmed down a bit." She explained and he nodded in understanding.

After she had taken a look at the bodies Jess told Mac :

"Well, I'll try to get some more info from the neighbors."

Seeing Mac nod she turned and left. On her way out she met Flack, who was apparently not the least happy about being called in to work at this time of night either.

After Jess had left Mac took a closer look around in the bedroom. The entire room was such a mess. Hearing someone approach Mac turned around and saw his team walk up to him.

When they had reached him he filled them in on what he knew so far and gave them assignments.

_About thirty-five minutes later :_

While waiting for Hawkes to conclude his first examination of the bodies Mac took a look through the rest of the house. It didn't take long before he came to the conclusion that they were dealing with a robbery gone wrong, considering that the entire house resembled a battlefield.

The door had been forced open which supported the theory that the responsible person hadn't personally known the victims. Judging by the lack of organisation it didn't look like the deed of a pro either.

Returning to the bedroom Mac wanted to know :

"What can you tell me so far?"

"Well, it seems like Mr Anderson died before his wife. It's likely that he woke up due to some noise, he went down to find out where the noise came from and realizing that someone broke in he headed back up to warn his wife. The robber saw or heard him, followed him and shot him. Mrs Anderson woke up and he killed her as well." Hawkes started,

"They were shot with a small calliber weapon. He was almost immediately dead, while she bled slowly to death."

"TOD?" Mac asked.

"He died around midnight, his wife died about fifty minutes later." Hawkes replied.

"You found anything else?"

Seeing Hawkes shake his head no Mac turned around and got back to searching for evidence.

Just a moment after he had headed back downstairs Flack approached him.

When he had reached him Mac wanted to know :

"Were any of the neighbors able to tell you something useful?

"Well, as always there are several variations in what they told me...According to the neighbors the shots were fired somewhere between ten to midnight and fifteen minutes after midnight. However, neither of them has actually seen anything." Flack told him,

"But they agreed on a few things...The Andersons were a nice, happy couple; they helped their neighbors were they could; every once in a while they invited everybody to a barbecue or dinner; they never made any noise and so on. None of them as an idea of why someone would want them dead and they're all shocked by their death." He paused for a moment, then he stated,

"Well, I'm gonna head back to the precinct and help Angell with the background-checks."

"Alright, let me know in case you find something." Mac said in response.

"Will do." With that Flack left.

After spending hours with doing thorough background-checks on the victims and Sara Harris, Mrs Anderson's sister, Jess released a heavy sigh and got up from her seat.

"Hey Flack, I gonna head now to the hospital to talk with Sara. Call in case you find something interesting." They locked eyes for a short moment.

"Sure...See ya later." Flack replied and she left.

_At the hospital, 8:57 AM :_

Taking a deep breath Jess knocked against the door of the room where Sara was lying. Only a few seconds later Sara called her in and she opened the door.

"Ms Harris? I'm Detective Angell. Do you feel capable of answering some questions?" Jess asked closing the door behind her.

Sara sat up on the bed, a tiny smile on her lips and replied :

"Well, to be honest the sooner I'm able to stop thinking about what happened to Karen and Thomas the better...So, just go ahead and ask me everything you need to know."

"Thanks..." Jess said and walked further into the room,

"As far as I understood you were currently living with them, because your apartment building is fumigated?"

"Yeah, about six weeks ago the landlord informed me and the other tenants that there was some sort of bug problem and that due to the fumigation we won't be able to live inside our apartments for a while. I had actually planned to stay at a hotel during that time, but when Karen heard about it she invited me to stay with her and Thomas. At first I was reluctant to accept her offer, but she just won't take no as answer..." Sara paused for a moment and her eyes welled up with tears,

"But that's how she and Thomas were - they were such nice people, always offering help if needed..."

"I assume you weren't there when it happened?"

"Eh, no I had been at a nightclub. It was the birthday of a good friend, she was throwing a huge party...I didn't come back until about quarter to two. When I arrived and wanted to unlock the front-door I noticed that it wasn't closed. And well, after I saw the chaos I hurried upstairs to check on Karen and Thomas...As I saw what had happened to them I checked their vitals, but had to realize that it was too late, so I called the police..." Sara told her.

"Did Karen or Thomas have any enemies?" Jess wanted to know.

"None that I know of...Like I said they were incredible nice and helpful, so I really doubt that there was anyone who would have wanted their death."

"Did they have any marriage problems?"

"Nope."

"Do you know if they were keeping bigger amounts of money or something at home?" Jess inquired after a moment of silence.

"I don't think so...I mean, they were both earning good money with their work, but most of it is invested, but then again, we avoided the topic of money most of the time..." Sara said and shrugged slightly.

"Okay, that would be all for the moment...If you remember something else you can call me." With that she gave Sara her card and a short moment later she left.

As she stepped out of the hospital Jess couldn't help but release a sigh. She didn't like this part of her job, talking with the relatives of the victims. Though of course she knew that it was an inevitable part of her job - it had simply something very depressing in her opinion.

Sighing once more she headed to her car and as she got in she decided to get herself some coffee and maybe also something to eat on her way back to the precinct.

_Back at the precinct :_

As Jess returned and headed for her desk, Flack wanted to know :

"Was the sister able to tell you anything that could lead to a suspect?"

Hearing his question Jess changed course and went over to him, while replying :

"Nope...She didn't tell me anything beside what we already knew from the neighbors - Karen and Thomas were kind and helpful people, and happily married." Sitting down on the edge of his desk, she inquired,

"How 'bout you - did you find anything?"

For a moment he just looked at her, then he sighed and stated :

"Not yet...However, I requested to get access to their financial and phone records, furthermore I'm still working on the background-checks on the neighbors, Karen's employees and Thomas' colleagues."

"You need some help with looking through the files?" She asked after a moment of silence.

Flack smirked and replied :

"Yeah, I could really need some help, considering that I don't wanna work on this all day..."

"Oh, poor you..." Jess stated in mock pity and chuckled, before adding,

"Give me half of the files..."

_Around half-past one PM :_

Sitting back down after getting herself some more coffee, Jess released a heavy sigh and closed her eyes for a moment. Opening her eyes again she grabbed the cup and took a sip of the dark, steaming-hot liquid.

Before she was able to focus back on the file in front of her, her cell phone started ringing and she hurried to answer the call.

"Angell."

_"Hey, can you come to the lab?" _She heard Mac's voice on the other end of the line.

"Sure...I'll be there in about twenty minutes." Jess replied and hung up.

Emptying her cup she smiled and got up, while telling Flack :

"I gotta get to the lab, see ya later..."

Flack only nodded and she left.

Somehow she was grateful for Mac's call, considering that she certainly had enough of looking through files. Unlocking her car and getting in Jess couldn't help but smile. However, as she turned on the engine her smile faded slightly and she rolled her eyes as she realized that she had left her cell phone on her desk.

Opening the car-door she let out a sigh and got out, deciding to leave the engine running for the minute it would take her to head in and get her cell.

She had only made a few steps away from her car, toward the entrance, when the doors opened and Flack came out - with her cell phone in his right hand.

Just as he was about to say something there was a huge explosion, the blast enough to send him to the ground and Jess flying a few feet through the air, causing him to scream, with a mix of emotions etched to his voice :

"_**JESS**_!"

_Tbc_

_**A/N: Hope this new chapter was worth the long waiting - I promise I'll update faster this time! Anyways take time to review - after all, reviews make me happy, and what makes me happy motivates me to write!**_


	3. The first shock

_**A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed so far. To be honest I still got no clue what the pairing will be - and well, considering that I just can't make up my mind I decided to leave the decision to the people reading this story. Meaning? There's now a poll on my profile page where you can vote for Jess being either with Flack or with Mac. I think I will let it run 'til the end of June...I'm serious about this - it's up to you, so please do me a favor and vote for the pairing you wanna see in this story! **_

_**And to avoid any confusion - I added the last few lines of the prior chapter to this update, just so you know why the beginning of this chapter seems already familiar...**_

**I Can't Lose You**

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_3. The first shock_

Just as he was about to say something there was a huge explosion, the blast enough to send him to the ground and Jess flying a few feet through the air, causing him to scream, with a mix of emotions etched to his voice :

"_**JESS**_!"

Flack got quickly up onto his feet and rushed over to Angell, while pulling out his cell phone to call for an ambulance and notify the Fire Department. Waiting for his call to get answered he crouched down next to Angell.

She was lying face down on the pavement, still exactly where she had landed due to the blast. The back of her tank-top had numerous cuts and around their edges the once olive-colored fabric was now getting more and more soaked with blood.

For a moment he debated with himself about whether it won't be best to not move her at all, but before he was able to make up his mind about it his call was answered and he stated :

"This is Detective Flack, I need an ambulance and the Fire Department at the 74th precinct."

A moment later he hung up and focused his attention entirely on Angell. After taking a closer look at the cuts on her back and another moment of thinking he turned her carefully around. Considering the cuts on her back and the fact that it was likely that whatever had caused those injuries was still stuck inside the wounds, he pulled her slightly up from the pavement.

As he took a look at her face he noticed that she was bleeding from a wound next to her right temple, furthermore she had several scratches on her face and arms, and a cut on the side of her throat, just above her shoulder. She also seemed extremely pale in his opinion. Checking her vitals he felt slightly relieved as he found almost immediately a pulse - even though it was quite weak.

He was barely aware of what was happening around him. All he could think about was Angell and if she was gonna be okay.

It wasn't until he heard the sound of sirens coming closer that he snapped out of his thoughts and his mind returned to the current situation.

Taking a look around he saw that by now the area directly around the precinct was crowded by other cops, who tried to get some order in the chaos all around. He also noticed that there was no more traffic on the street nor were there any people walking around, however, right now he couldn't care any less about that. Seeing the ambulance come closer he released a slightly relieved sigh and watched how it stopped and the paramedics got out.

As they had reached him and Angell one of them crouched down to check Angell's pulse and take a glance at her injuries, while Flack filled them in on what exactly had happened. Only a few seconds passed before the woman gave her two colleagues a sign. A moment later they lifted Angell onto the stretcher and moved to bring her to the waiting ambulance.

On their way over to the ambulance Angell's eyes opened. She blinked a few times and a moment later she attempted to sit up. The female paramedic, who had checked her pulse earlier, tried to make her lay back again and told Angell :

"Listen Detective, it would be better if you don't move until we brought you to the hospital and can be sure that you don't have any serious internal injuries. I know lying on your back is currently quite uncomfortable, but..."

However, Angell chose to ignore that well-meant advice and did not only refuse to lay back again she also interrupted the woman :

"I'm not going to a hospital."

"Jess, you should really listen to her - And beside the facts that you were unconscious for quite a while and that you're bleeding, it's not up for discussion whether they bring you to a hospital or not."

Hearing that she glared furiously at him, but before she was able to verbalize any further protests she sank back onto the stretcher and her eyes closed, causing Flack's worry to increase again, while he watched one of the paramedics hurry to check her pulse for another time.

By now they had reached the ambulance and Flack helped the paramedics to get the stretcher into the ambulance. For a moment he was tempted to head to the hospital with them, but eventually he realized that he had to focus on work right now, and furthermore there was nothing he could do at the hospital.

After the ambulance had driven away Flack took another look around and came to the conclusion that things were already by far less chaotic than a few minutes ago. And even though Angell's car was still burning it seemed like it was only a matter of a couple of minutes 'til the Fire Department would have put the fire out.

_A few minutes later :_

Seeing Mac and his team - sans Danny - arrive Flack went over to talk with them.

Taking a look around Mac couldn't help shaking his head. As Flack had reached them he wanted to know right away :

"What happened?"

Hearing that question Flack released a heavy sigh and replied :

"Someone blew Angell's car up just as she was about to head to the lab..."

"Is she okay?" Mac inquired, a worried expression on his face.

"Well, luckily she got out of the car before the bomb went off, because she had forgotten her cell on her desk. However, the blast was quite huge - it caused her to fly several feet through the air. She has several more or less deep cuts on her back as well as one at the side of her throat, probably caused by some glass fragments from the car. Furthermore she has a laceration on her forehead and numerous scratches. They already brought her to a hospital..." Flack trailed off.

Seeing the thoughtful expression on the other man's face Mac asked :

"What is it?"

Flack shrugged and sighed then he stated :

"I'm just worried 'bout Jess, that's all." He left it at that, deciding not to mention the fact that this was somehow bringing some rather bad memories back, a moment later he changed the topic,

"Why was she supposed to come to the lab?"

"The results of the autopsies...Sid was able to remove the bullets..." Mac said, while taking another look around.

Meanwhile Flack got totally lost in his thoughts. However, only a moment later his mind was brought back to the present when one of the unis approached him and told him :

"Captain Carlisle wants to talk with you."

At that Flack couldn't help sighing but then he simply nodded and headed inside the precinct.

After watching Flack head inside Mac focused eventually his attention on his team and chose to get to the task at hand instead of just standing around.

"Lindsay, check with the Fire Department how much longer they think it will take 'til we can get the car to the lab, and as soon as they give their okay you head back to the lab and take together with Danny a look at what's left of the car." As Lindsay nodded and left Mac went on,

"Hawkes, you already start processing the area around the precinct - I want you to collect even the smallest trace that could be the least linked to the explosion."

While Mac watched Hawkes nod and head to get started, Stella studied carefully her friend's face. Eventually she broke the slightly awkward silence that had formed between them :

"So, what do you want me to do?"

Snapping out of his thoughts Mac looked for like a split second at Stella then he hissed sharply :

"Hospital." Instead of saying anything more specifc he simply headed for the entrance of the precinct.

For a moment Stella simply stared at Mac's retreating figure, unable to keep herself from wondering once more what was recently going on with him. However, when he disappeared inside the building she let out a heavy sigh, shook slightly her head and went back to the car to get to the hospital.

As he went inside the precinct Mac took a quick look around in search for Flack. When he couldn't find him anywhere in sight he came to the conclusion that he was probably still talking with the Captain and chose to simply wait at Flack's desk for him to return.

It didn't take long before Mac got lost deeply in thought. Somehow he felt slightly bad for the way he had talked with Stella just a moment earlier. After all, he hadn't meant to be this harsh - but then again, right now he had more important things on his mind than paying attention to what he said or how he said it and beside that fact he was quite certain that Stella knew that as well.

Mac wasn't sure how much time had passed when Flack's voice disrupted his train of thought.

"What's up?" The younger man wanted to know.

Focusing his attention on his friend Mac replied :

"I was wondering if you can tell me more about the explosion."

Flack released a sigh and frowned, then he stated slightly annoyed :

"Well, after your call she went to leave right away. I went after her because I noticed that her cell phone was still lying on her desk. Just as I stepped outside the building she was getting out of the car and came toward me. I guess she only wanted to head quickly in to get her cell considering that she left the engine running...Anyways, she had barely walked three feet away from the car when it exploded and, well, you know the rest."

Mac only nodded in response. After a moment of silence he asked :

"Do you know if any of the surrounding buildings have surveillance cameras?"

"We're already working on that...You think whoever placed the bomb might be on one of the tapes?"

"It's at least worth checking..." Mac pointed out and Flack nodded in agreement,

"Well, I'm gonna help Hawkes now with processing the scene...Let me know when you got something new on the tapes."

Flack nodded again and Mac went back outside. Stepping out of the precinct Mac stopped and took a careful look around. The first thing he noticed was that the remains of Angell's car had already been brought away by now. All that indicated that there had been standing something only a short while ago, were the black traces of the flames and some melted rubber of the tires on the asphalt.

A few feet away from the outlines of the car he saw Hawkes crouching on the ground, photographing some type of trace he had found. For a moment Mac only observed how his colleague put the camera away and took something out of his kit.

After another moment of consideration he headed over to him to find out if his colleague had already found something.

When he neared Hawkes, the other man was taking a swab of a substance he had found.

"What did you find?" Mac wanted to know stopping next to Hawkes.

At the sound of Mac's voice Hawkes looked up for a moment, while getting a small bottle out of his kit. Focusing back on the sample he had taken he unscrewed the small bottle and let some of the clear liquid drip on the dark crimson substance on the swab.

Watching the substance turn a bright shade of pink Hawkes looked at Mac again and replied :

"Blood...I'd say it's Angell's blood, but we can't be sure until the DNA analysis."

Mac only nodded in agreement, then he asked :

"Did you find anything else so far?"

"Well, I found numerous pieces of the car - but it will still take quite a while til we collected all of them..." Hawkes told him.

"Probably..." Mac mused, then he added,

"Make sure to document precisely where you found what."

Hawkes nodded and a moment later Mac decided to focus his attention on collecting evidence himself.

_Meanwhile at the hospital :_

As Stella got out of her car she took a deep breath, got her kit and headed to the entrance. Throughout the entire ride from the precinct to the hospital she had kept thinking about Mac's odd recent behavior.

Even now that she had arrived and waited for someone to tell her where she could find Angell, she was still wondering what was currently going on with her friend. Sure, she was able to understand that it was getting to him that someone had tried to kill Angell, but still...

Before she was able to finish that thought the voice of a nurse forced her mind back to reality.

"You're here for Detective Angell?" The young Asian woman asked, seeing Stella nod she smiled and added,

"Please follow me." With that she started leading Stella away from the reception.

Following the nurse down a hallway Stella's mind drifted off all over again. After all, even though she could understand that the events from earlier were getting to Mac, it was nonetheless extremely strange that he let that fact show like this. It simply wasn't like Mac at all to let _**anything**_ affect him to such an extend nor was it like him to let his bad mood out on his colleagues. But then again, this was something personal - she knew that Mac cared a lot about the people he worked with...

On the other hand he had already acted weird before they had heard about what had happened. If she was honest she wasn't quite sure when exactly she had noticed his odd behavior the first time, but she was certain that he had already started with that a while ago.

A moment later they stopped in front of one of the hospital-rooms and Stella forced herself to focus her attention on the task at hand instead of trying to make sense of Mac's behavior - after all, beside the fact that she had work to do it was furthermore absolutely pointless to keep thinking about it.

"We're there..." The nurse stated the obvious, reaching for the door-knob she added,

"The doctor is still examining her...I'll just gonna let her know that you're here." With that she opened the door, and went inside, leaving the door open.

Only a few seconds later Stella heard the nurse say :

"Doctor Matthews, there's someone from the crime lab here...She's waiting outside."

After a short moment of silence a woman replied :

"Tell her that she can come in."

Re-appearing in the door-way the nurse signalled her to come into the examination-room. And after a few seconds of consideration Stella simply did as she had been told.

As she entered the room she studied quickly yet nonetheless thoroughly her surroundings. The walls of the room were colored in a pale shade of ocher, though she was quite sure that they had probably once been orange. Like in every hospital the floor was covered with light grey linoleum. The furniture as well as the sheets and pillows of the one bed, which was standing at the wall opposite the door, were all white. And she couldn't help but get aware of the inevitable smell of disinfectants lingering in the air.

Walking further into the room she eventually saw Angell and froze for a moment, simply looking at the younger detective. She was resting on her left side, though her body was tilted forward so she was basically lying on her stomach. Her eyes were closed and beside the slight movement of her chest she was lying perfectly still.

Instead of the tank-top she had been wearing earlier she was now wearing a hospital-gown along with her blue jeans. The hospital-gown had been left open and Stella couldn't help but draw in a sharp breath as she caught sight of the numerous cuts on Angell's back. Some of the cuts seemed to be actually only superficial while others seemed to be rather deep.

Stella's attention was so focused on studying the wounds on Angell's back that she wasn't aware of how the doctor paused with examining the injuries and looked at her for a moment. Therefore Stella flinched slightly as the doctor broke the silence, forcing her mind back to the present.

"As I understood you're working for the crime lab?" Doctor Matthews inquired, and after a moment Stella nodded slightly in response, while watching the doctor focus back on the task at hand.

"How is she?" Stella wanted to know eventually, observing how Doctor Matthews studied one of the deeper cuts.

The other woman remained quiet for a short time then she assured, while grabbing a pair of tweezers and pulling something out of the wound :

"She didn't regain consciousness yet, though I'm quite certain that it won't take much longer before she will come to." Dropping a rather big piece of glass into a bowl on the nightstand she continued,

"And to already answer your next question - she isn't in any kind of pain, at least not at the moment. However, I'm not gonna mince matters here, these wounds will hurt quite badly the next few days..." She paused for a moment then she asked,

"I assume you will need the fragments from the wounds and the top she was wearing?"

"Yeah, I also need to photograph the wounds before you bandage them." Stella replied, a polite smile crossing her face for a moment.

The doctor nodded then she said :

"I will need a couple more minutes for examining her..."

Stella nodded and after a moment of thinking she decided to wait outside.

_About seven minutes later :_

As Doctor Matthews stepped out of the room Stella couldn't help but release a relieved sigh when she noticed the smile on the doctor's face.

"Well, you can go inside now." Pointing at the nurse who had led Stella to Angell's room she went on,

"Let Karen know when you're done with photographing, so she can finish treating the wounds." Doctor Matthews paused for a moment then she added,

"Oh, and one other thing...She's awake now." With that she smiled once more and left.

After watching the doctor head down the hallway Stella turned around and went back inside the examination-room. Taking a look at Angell she noticed that she had indeed finally regained conciousness. She was now sitting on the bed instead of just lying there. However, it didn't seem like she was really aware of Stella actually being in the room.

As Stella walked up to her Angell turned slightly her head and looked at her, though she remained quiet nonetheless.

"Hey...How are you feeling?" Stella asked when she stopped about one and a half feet away from Angell. She knew it was a rather stupid question considering the circumstances, but on the other hand that fact didn't change that she wanted to know nonetheless.

Hearing that question Angell frowned for a few seconds then she shrugged and stated :

"Well, I guess it could be worse. And furthermore the doctor gave me something against the pain..." She trailed off and sighed softly.

After a moment Stella broke the silence and asked :

"You mind if I take some pictures of the injuries?"

Angell sighed again and replied :

"Nope, just go ahead...After all, the sooner you're done the sooner I can get out of here."

At that a deep frown appeared for a few seconds on Stella's face, but instead of saying anything in response she simply went over to the chair next to the bed and put her kit down. Opening it she grabbed a pair of gloves and after putting them on she got the camera and began photographing the wounds on Angell's back.

After photographing her back Stella walked around the bed to take pictures of the laceration on Angell's forehead and the numerous scratches on her face and arms. As she photographed Angell's face the younger woman focused her gaze on the ground in order to avoid looking directly into the bright light of the flash.

It wasn't until Stella was finished with photographing that Angell looked back at her and Stella couldn't help noticing a glimpse of exhaustion in the other woman's eyes.

Eventually Stella walked around the bed and put the camera back inside her open kit, before beginning to put the fragments the doctor had removed from the wounds into evidence-bags. Labeling each bag she put them on her now closed kit.

A short time later she had also put Angell's tank top into an evidence-bag and had labeled it. Pulling off her gloves and throwing them into a garbage can, which was standing next to the door a soft sigh escaped Stella's mouth, before heading back to Angell, who had been observing her the entire time.

"You're done?" Angell wanted to know.

"Yeah..." Stella paused for a moment then she asked,

"You really have no intention on staying here at the hospital, now do you?"

"I hate hospitals." Angell replied, distaste etched not only to her voice but also clearly written all over her face.

Stella nodded then she went over to her kit, re-opened it and pulled something out, before turning back toward Angell.

As Stella lifted her one hand and seeing what the CSI was holding, Angell couldn't help but raise an eyebrow and give the older woman a question glance.

Seeing the half surprised, half questioning expression on Angell's face Stella shrugged and stated, while putting the shirt down on the bed next to Angell :

"I kinda sensed that you would be reluctant to stay at the hospital for any longer than absolutely necessary, and considering that I'm always keeping clothes to change in my car I figured it might be not too bad if I took this with me when I arrived here."

A smile appeared on Angell's face and she mumbled :

"Thanks..."

Stella smiled in return, incapable of keeping her smile from widening as she noticed in slight amusement how the younger woman blushed slightly.

"No big deal, really..." Stella assured,

"Anyways, you should really get some rest - no matter if you choose to stay here at the hospital or if you already leave and head home."

Seeing Angell nod Stella grabbed her kit and the evidence-bags and went to leave. When she had reached the door she turned back once more and stated :

"I'm glad that you're alright - I mean, considering the circumstances..."

Angell only smiled at that and a moment later Stella walked out the door. Closing it she took a look around in search for Karen, to let the nurse know that she was done.

When she had found her and talked for a moment with her Stella chose to head back to the lab right away - even though she felt tempted to stop somewhere to get herself some coffee and maybe grab a bite to eat. After all, considering Mac's recent behavior she came to the conclusion that he won't like having to wait at the moment and she had certainly no intention on upsetting him even further.

_Tbc_

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_**A/N: Hope you liked it - even though the ending of this chapter kinda sucked in my opinion. Anyways, let me know what ya think - and don't forget to VOTE!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N:**__ I'm sorry that it took so long, but I was kinda busy with other stuff - and also somewhat stuck... Now about the pairing - it's gonna be Flangell. However, just because Angell will be with Flack that doesn't mean that I will change something about the fact that Mac has in this story (as in most of my non-Pac CSI NY stories) feelings for Angell - sorry, but I simply think there's quite some chemistry between them and I assume my regular readers are by now used to that... Well, anyways, have fun reading!_

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**I Can't Lose You**

_Chapter 4_

Walking out of the elevator Stella took a look around, before heading to Mac's office. When she had reached her destination she couldn't help but sigh, seeing that the room was vacant.

"They're still processing the scene," She heard Lindsay say behind her and turned around,

"Mac said it's still gonna take a while before they will be done and get back here." Lindsay paused for a moment then she wanted to know,

"How's Angell doing?"

"Well, she was rather lucky and will be alright... Probably she's already on her way home..." Seeing the surprised expression on Lindsay's face Stella added,

"She said she didn't want to stay at the hospital."

At that Lindsay nodded in understanding - after all, who actually liked hospitals beside the people working at one? Nobody, and in fact there were even people on hospital staffs that hated hospitals, so nobody could blame Angell for wanting to leave asap.

"So, how's it going with the car?" Stella inquired after a moment of silence.

"Slow... Very slow to be more precisely. In fact I should better get back before Danny has a mental breakdown due to running out of patience." Lindsay replied.

"I'll see ya later then." Stella said and smiled, watching Lindsay heading down the hallway.

Coming to the conclusion that it would be best to get started with examining the evidence from the hospital she went to trace, after all, she knew that Mac would want to see some results when he and Hawkes got back to the lab.

After putting her lab coat and a pair of gloves on Stella let out a soft sigh and opened the evidence-bag with Angell's top, having decided to do the easy part first before focusing on examining the fragments that had been stuck in Angell's back.

* * *

As Lindsay re-entered the garage and headed over to where Danny was still working on Angell's car she could already hear him curse.

Nearing her colleague she saw him leaning over what was left of the engine compartment, head lowered, eyes closed and still cursing, and Lindsay couldn't help frowning slightly.

"What is it, Danny?" She asked eventually as she stopped behind him, causing him to go silent and turn to look at her.

"You mean beside the fact that this seems pretty much like a waste of time considering that the fire probably destroyed most evidence anyway?" Danny retorted with a sardonic smirk and gave her a look.

"So, I take it - you didn't find anything?" Lindsay mused, eyebrows slightly raised.

At that he straightened up and turned fully toward her, before replying,

"Exactly... However, I took some more samples and will take them up to the lab for analysis as soon as I checked everything once again and made sure that I didn't miss anything."

"You need some help?" She offered.

"Well, I could have used help a half hour ago..." Danny pointed out.

Hearing that a partially guilty, partially apologetic expression appeared on Lindsay's face, causing Danny to smirk.

After a moment the malicious smirk softened into a smile and he stated,

"But since you're already here you can help me with going over everything once more - and with getting all this stuff up to the lab."

Lindsay let out a soft sigh and smiling a little relieved she said,

"Sure..." As they started to take another look at the car-wreck she added,

"Oh, and Stella is back from the hospital..."

"Did she say something regarding how Angell's doing?" Danny wanted to know.

She nodded slightly and told him,

"According to Stella she has no major injuries."

"That's good..." He stated in response and they shared a glance, before focusing back on their task.

* * *

Studying the piece of metal he had just picked up from the street Mac let out a heavy sigh as he wondered once more how Angell was doing. Thinking about the fact that it had been nothing but a lucky coincidence that she had gotten once more out of her car before the bomb detonated he couldn't help sighing once more and as on cue his mind went almost immediately back to when he had heard about the blast...

_**Flashback:**_

_After getting off the phone with Angell he frowned, contemplating for a moment about what he should do 'til she arrived at the lab. Considering that he knew that the time won't be enough for starting with processing some more evidence he eventually decided to just take a short break, get some coffee from the break-room and take another, more thorough look through the autopsy reports, considering that he had only skimmed the files swiftly for the most important information after Sid had given them to him a few minutes ago._

_Entering the break-room and walking over to the coffee-maker he couldn't help but release a relieved sigh as he saw that the coffee-pot was still almost completely filled with fresh coffee. A few seconds later he got himself a cup and filled it nearly up to the rim with the steaming-hot, dark liquid._

_For a moment he closed his eyes and simply inhaled the strong aroma of the coffee before taking a careful sip of it and, finding that it had cooled down just enough to avoid burning his mouth, a satisfied smile formed on his lips. After a few seconds he took another swig of the coffee before putting the cup down and starting to read the autopsy report on Karen Anderson._

_He had only read the first page when he heard someone approach and looking up he saw Stella entering the break-room._

_As she filled a cup with coffee she inquired,_

_"What are you reading?"_

_He waited with replying until she was standing to his left, leaning slightly against the table, the cup with her coffee still in her hands._

_"The autopsy report on Karen Anderson... The autopsy confirmed exactly what Hawkes found during his first examination. COD is exsanguination."_

_"What about the husband?" Stella wanted to know._

_"Well, the bullet that hit him in the back nicked the aorta leading to an immense bloodloss. Death was almost instantaneous..." _

_Mac had barely finished when a very distraught Lindsay burst into the room. Before either Mac or Stella were able to ask her what the matter was Lindsay told them a bit breathlessly,_

_"There was a bomb blast at the precinct." She didn't need to elaborate what precinct she was talking about since the expression on her face, the concerned look in her eyes was speaking volumes._

_"WHAT?" Mac exclaimed, all color having drained from his face._

_Lindsay took a deep breath and repeated,_

_"A bomb exploded right in front of the precinct... It just happened..."_

_"Was aynone injured?" Stella wanted to know, looking just as shocked._

_"I don't know..." Lindsay started to reply..._

_**End flashback**_

Hearing someone say his name Mac snapped out of his reverie and looked up.

"You're okay, Mac?" Hawkes wanted to know, a concerned expression on his face.

Mac nodded slightly and eventually bagging the piece of metal he was still holding he replied,

"Eh, yeah..." He paused for a second or two, then he asked,

"What's up?"

"Well, I think we're done..." Hawkes said.

Taking a look around Mac gave a nod of agreement, before straightening up.

_About forty minutes later at the lab:_

After they had arrived back at the lab and had brought the evidence inside Mac decided to first get himself some coffee, before finding out what his colleagues had found so far and starting to examine the evidence he and Hawkes had collected.

Entering the break-room he released a soft sigh and went to get a cup, which he quickly filled with coffee. As he put the coffee-pot back down he released another low sigh and heading over to one of the tables he got lost in his thoughts.

For a moment he thought about how he had stood almost at the same spot only a few hours earlier, thought about how Lindsay had told him and Stella about the bomb, however, only a moment later his mind drifted off to Angell and he wondered how she was doing.

Taking a mental not to ask Stella about what the doctor had told her when she had been at the hospital Mac emptied his cup and put it into the sink, before leaving the break-room.

In the hallway he stopped for a moment and took a look around. Through the glass walls he quickly caught sight of Stella and started walking again.

As he entered the room Stella looked up from the piece of evidence in front of her and turned slightly toward him, though she remained quiet, apparently waiting for him to speak first.

After a few seconds Mac took a deep breath and asked,

"Is Angell gonna be okay?"

Stella looked at him and nodding slightly she told him,

"Well, beside numerous scratches and the cuts on her back she has a concussion and probably she will also have some bruises tomorrow, but considering the circumstances she was quite lucky... And before you ask she refused to stay at the hospital."

At that Mac couldn't help shaking slowly his head. Eventually he wanted to know,

"So, what were you looking at?"

"The fragments the doctor pulled out of Angell's back." Stella replied, causing Mac to let his head hang and close his eyes for a moment, lips pressed tightly together.

Opening his eyes and looking back at Stella he sighed, before inquiring,

"You already found something?"

"Not really..." Stella said,

"But I took samples from each fragment and from the top Angell was wearing and sent them to trace."

Mac remained silent, then he stated,

"Okay, let me know when you got the results."

Stella smiled slightly and assured him,

"Of course."

Mac gave her a slight nod in return then he turned and left to check on Danny and Lindsay's progress.

It didn't take long before he found them in the trace lab and as he walked up to them Mac wanted to know,

"Did you find anything useful while examining the car?"

"No, the fire destroyed most of the potential evidence, but I - we - took nonetheless several samples from what's left of the car... Maybe we'll be able to identify at least the type of explosive that was used, and if we're lucky that might lead us to a suspect." Danny replied.

Mac only nodded, hoping that they would really find something that could lead them to a suspect, the simple thought that Angell could be dead now was already upsetting him enough, but the possibilty that whoever had blown her car up could get away with it was making him downright furious.

After another moment he released a sigh and left to help Hawkes, who had by now already started examining the evidence they had collected. However, he had just walked out of the room into the hallway when he saw Flack approaching and he stopped to wait for the other man.

When Flack had reached him Mac gave him a questioning glance and wanted to know,

"What brings you here?"

At that Flack sighed and told him,

"Well, first of all I wanted to know if you found something useful."

"Unfortunately nothing so far..." Mac replied and frowned.

Flack nodded slightly, not really having expected any other answer, then he stated,

"Before you ask, the canvass of the area and witness accounts got us nowhere." Seeing the upset expression that crossed Mac's face at that he paused for a moment, before raising his right hand which hold an evidence-bag.

"However, I got the surveillance tapes from the area around the precinct. Maybe whoever placed the bomb underneath Angell's car is on one of them..." He added.

"It's at least worth checking..." Mac agreed and they headed toward the A/V lab.

_Tbc_

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_**A/N:**__ Thanks for reading, I really hope you liked the update and that it was worth the long waiting! I'll try to get the next chapter done soon, though I can't promise anything since I'm currently trying to get several other updates along with the first chapters of some new stories done... Anyways, in the meantime - please do me a favor and let me know what ya think and REVIEW!_


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